Conscious Minute #3

Savoring Artifacts of Mattering

What does it mean to matter?

Isaac Prilleltensky is a community psychologist and author of the book, The Laughing Guide to Well-Being. Prilleltensky distinguishes between happiness (fleeting and momentary sparks) and well-being (life satisfaction over time). While joy and laughter ignite daily flickers of happiness, we engender long-term well-being through meaning and mattering.

We foster meaning in our lives when we strive to be part of, or contribute to, something bigger than ourselves.

Prilleltensky explains that mattering involves feeling valued, and adding value. In the feeling valued prong, he urges us to ask ourselves three questions: Am I appreciated, respected, and recognized? Do I feel a sense of belonging, inclusion, and fairness? Are my survival (attachment to others), social (relational), and existential (dignity and fairness) motives met in a healthy way?

To assess how we add value to our “self” and others, Prilleltensky prompts us to ask five questions: Do I make a contribution or difference? Do I exercise my skills to capitalize on opportunities? Do I feel a sense of empowerment, autonomy, control over my life, mastery, self-efficacy (ability to handle tasks), and self-determination? Do I have voice and visibility? Am I physically and psychologically present?

With all the chaos swirling around us, let’s pause this week and give ourselves the gift of noticing daily flashes of happiness. But let’s go deeper. How can we cultivate meaning in our lives? Can we stoke our passion toward something bigger than ourselves?

In our personal and professional lives, how and when do we feel valued? Do we feel noticed? Do people say thank you? Do we feel included? Do we feel fairly treated? This week, can we do one thing (or more!) to make others feel valued in our communities? Can we reach out and say, Thank you for being you, for being brave, for writing that truth, for taking that risk, for suggesting that idea, for working so hard?

Next, let’s ponder for a moment how we add value to our personal and professional communities. This week, how can we contribute to, or make a difference in, someone else’s life? How can we amplify our voice and visibility to look out for others? Even through our laptop screens, how can we be more physically and psychological present, adding value to conversations, connections, and collaborations?

Finally, let’s accentuate moments of mattering.

Yesterday, at the park, a new acquaintance put a hand on my shoulder to nudge me out of the way of an oncoming bicycle. A friend sent me a card paraphrasing a U2 lyric and wrote, “She’s a wave, she’s a tide.” An attendee of a presentation I gave last week sent a follow-up email saying, “I felt heard.” These are not just jolts of joy that glimmer and burn out. These are artifacts of meaning and mattering, through which we build a body of evidence toward a life of well-being.

What artifacts of meaning and mattering will you notice this week? What footprints of meaning and mattering will you stamp into the soil?